He says 'uno, dos...'Poof. He disappeared without a tres.
Hear of a Good One Lately
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says 'uno, dos...'Poof. He disappeared without a tres.
He says 'uno, dos...'Poof. He disappeared without a tres.
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WillyCamaro
- Posts: 6097
- Joined: Thu Jan 10, 2019 4:03 am
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
x4
These last four are great, good fun.Here's one for ya.
"Being funny is expensive...you have to have cents of humor".
"Never, never, never give up."
Winston Churchill
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6:34
Winston Churchill
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Matthew 6:34
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New_Windsor_NY
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 10926
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:50 pm
- Location: I'm On The Far Right On The Left Coast In Commiefornia
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
There was an airplane, flying over the Atlantic Ocean, on its way to New York. It was full of delegates from the United Nations. Halfway across the ocean, the plane runs low on fuel, so they have to lighten the plane. So they toss out all the baggage, but it's still too heavy. Then they toss out all the seats, but it's still too heavy. Finally, the Frenchman steps up, shouts "Vive la France" and jumps out of the plane. Then the Englishman steps up, shouts "God save the Queen" and he jumps out of the plane. Next, the German delegate steps up, shouts "for the Fatherland" and he jumps out of the plane. But the airplane is still too heavy. So the American delegate from Texas steps up, shouts "Remember the Alamo" and tosses out the Mexican!
Kid: "Wish we had time to bury them fellas."
Josey Wales: "To hell with them fellas. Buzzards got to eat, same as worms."
Clint Eastwood-The Outlaw Josey Wales
Skip
Josey Wales: "To hell with them fellas. Buzzards got to eat, same as worms."
Clint Eastwood-The Outlaw Josey Wales
Skip
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
WillyC Skip, 
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Default Re: Everyday Humor (Viewer Discretion Advised)
Interpreting Engineering Terms
* A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pissing in the wind.
* EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
* CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.
* MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very high-tech.
* CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
* PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The damn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
* TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are floored that the stupid thing works.
* THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.
* ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
* RUGGED
Too heavy to lift without throwing your back out.
* LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.
* YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.
* LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken
Interpreting Engineering Terms
* A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pissing in the wind.
* EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
* CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.
* MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very high-tech.
* CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
* PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The damn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
* TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are floored that the stupid thing works.
* THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.
* ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
* RUGGED
Too heavy to lift without throwing your back out.
* LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.
* YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.
* LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Default Re: Everyday Humor (Viewer Discretion Advised)
Blond lady being followed by a officer. As she approached a intersection she put her arm out and up for a right turn and shortly after put her arm straight out for a left turn. Then at the last moment she made circle motions and went straight ahead. The officer pulled her over and ask about the signals and she replied, well i was going to turn right then i decided to turn left. He said fine but the last signal you made i don't understand what was that all about. Being a third grade teacher she said, i erased the first two signals and went straight ahead. Yes we have blondes in our family too.
Blond lady being followed by a officer. As she approached a intersection she put her arm out and up for a right turn and shortly after put her arm straight out for a left turn. Then at the last moment she made circle motions and went straight ahead. The officer pulled her over and ask about the signals and she replied, well i was going to turn right then i decided to turn left. He said fine but the last signal you made i don't understand what was that all about. Being a third grade teacher she said, i erased the first two signals and went straight ahead. Yes we have blondes in our family too.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Very good Mr. Watch. 
Do you know why I don't like Russian dolls?...…
they are always into themselves.
Do you know why I don't like Russian dolls?...…
they are always into themselves.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Took me a while but that made me laugh!doglegg wrote:A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3.
He says 'uno, dos...'Poof. He disappeared without a tres.
If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
Wayne
Please visit My AAPK store https://www.allaboutpocketknives.com/catalog/btrwtr
Wayne
Please visit My AAPK store https://www.allaboutpocketknives.com/catalog/btrwtr
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Did you hear about the guy stealing tires off of police cars?
They are working tirelessly to catch him!
They are working tirelessly to catch him!
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fergusontd
- Posts: 1821
- Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 9:03 pm
- Location: West Central Ohio
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
l bet he had to tread lightly, being so tired. I doubt the police will spare him any punishment. ftd"A pocketknife is a man's best friend!"
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
It only gets better (or worse)!!!fergusontd wrote: ↑Wed Oct 02, 2019 3:06 am
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treefarmer
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 12887
- Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2009 6:53 am
- Location: Florida Panhandle(LA-Lower Alabama)
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A GUN IN THE HAND IS BETTER THAN A COP ON THE PHONE.
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New_Windsor_NY
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 10926
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:50 pm
- Location: I'm On The Far Right On The Left Coast In Commiefornia
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
How Long is a Chinaman.
Kid: "Wish we had time to bury them fellas."
Josey Wales: "To hell with them fellas. Buzzards got to eat, same as worms."
Clint Eastwood-The Outlaw Josey Wales
Skip
Josey Wales: "To hell with them fellas. Buzzards got to eat, same as worms."
Clint Eastwood-The Outlaw Josey Wales
Skip
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New_Windsor_NY
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 10926
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:50 pm
- Location: I'm On The Far Right On The Left Coast In Commiefornia
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Kid: "Wish we had time to bury them fellas."
Josey Wales: "To hell with them fellas. Buzzards got to eat, same as worms."
Clint Eastwood-The Outlaw Josey Wales
Skip
Josey Wales: "To hell with them fellas. Buzzards got to eat, same as worms."
Clint Eastwood-The Outlaw Josey Wales
Skip
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Old Folder
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 2038
- Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2016 7:31 am
- Location: So. Central California.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Unfortunately, there is a lot of truth to this.
It's always important to know what you don't know.
Dan
Dan
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Skip, you got me on that one.
I guess he is.
I guess he is.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Almost too true to be funny.Old Folder wrote: ↑Sat Oct 12, 2019 5:07 am Unfortunately, there is a lot of truth to this.
img030.jpg
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New_Windsor_NY
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 10926
- Joined: Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:50 pm
- Location: I'm On The Far Right On The Left Coast In Commiefornia
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
You got it! (How Long is his name)
Kid: "Wish we had time to bury them fellas."
Josey Wales: "To hell with them fellas. Buzzards got to eat, same as worms."
Clint Eastwood-The Outlaw Josey Wales
Skip
Josey Wales: "To hell with them fellas. Buzzards got to eat, same as worms."
Clint Eastwood-The Outlaw Josey Wales
Skip
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
I was texting and driving and rear ended a car at a stoplight. The driver, who happened to be a dwarf, got out of the car shaking his fist and yelled out, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "well, okay then, which one are you?"
I replied, "well, okay then, which one are you?"
Ike
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treefarmer
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 12887
- Joined: Sun Oct 04, 2009 6:53 am
- Location: Florida Panhandle(LA-Lower Alabama)
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Ike,
That is also funny! I need something to cheer me up, sittin’ here watchin’ Clemson beat FSU like a drum. At this rate the score will be 84-0 at the end.
Treefarmer
That is also funny! I need something to cheer me up, sittin’ here watchin’ Clemson beat FSU like a drum. At this rate the score will be 84-0 at the end.
Treefarmer
A GUN IN THE HAND IS BETTER THAN A COP ON THE PHONE.
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Quick Steel
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 16972
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:39 pm
- Location: Lebanon, KY
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Ike, That was a big LOL for me.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
We all know why 6 was afraid of 7.
Because 7 8 9.
But do you know why 7 8 9?
Because 8 heard you were to eat 3 squared meals a day.
Because 7 8 9.
But do you know why 7 8 9?
Because 8 heard you were to eat 3 squared meals a day.