Hear of a Good One Lately
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Chris
i woke last night to the sound of thunder
how far off i sat and wondered
started humming a song from nineteen sixty two
aint it funny how the night moves
i woke last night to the sound of thunder
how far off i sat and wondered
started humming a song from nineteen sixty two
aint it funny how the night moves
- Old Folder
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 2038
- Joined: Sat Jul 23, 2016 7:31 am
- Location: So. Central California.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
The other day I held the door open for a clown.
It was a nice jester.
(with apologies to Floyd!)
It was a nice jester.
(with apologies to Floyd!)
We are all just prisoners here of our own device.
In the master's chamber they gather for the feast.
They stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast.
(Eagles: Hotel California)
~Q~
In the master's chamber they gather for the feast.
They stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast.
(Eagles: Hotel California)
~Q~
- Quick Steel
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 16953
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:39 pm
- Location: Lebanon, KY
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
What do you call a pencil with an eraser at both ends? Pointless.
- Steve Warden
- Posts: 6320
- Joined: Wed May 27, 2015 4:18 pm
- Location: Cherry Hill, NJ
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A gentleman at a bar overhears two rather rotund ladies a few stools down being rather boisterous.
Curious about their accent, he approaches them.
"Are you ladies from London?"
"WALES! YOU IDIOT!!"
"I'm sorry. Are you whales from London?"
And that's when the fight started, officer.
Curious about their accent, he approaches them.
"Are you ladies from London?"
"WALES! YOU IDIOT!!"
"I'm sorry. Are you whales from London?"
And that's when the fight started, officer.
Take care and God bless,
Steve
TSgt USAF, Retired
1980-2000
But any knife is better than no knife! ~ Mumbleypeg (aka Ken)
Steve
TSgt USAF, Retired
1980-2000
But any knife is better than no knife! ~ Mumbleypeg (aka Ken)
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
That certainly helped my mood, thank you Steve.Steve Warden wrote: ↑Tue Jan 14, 2020 5:34 pm A gentleman at a bar overhears two rather rotund ladies a few stools down being rather boisterous.
Curious about their accent, he approaches them.
"Are you ladies from London?"
"WALES! YOU IDIOT!!"
"I'm sorry. Are you whales from London?"
And that's when the fight started, officer.
David R (United States Navy Retired)
Don't just count your many blessings, be the blessing others count on!
Visit my website: Woodburning Art by David https://www.wdbydavid.com/
Don't just count your many blessings, be the blessing others count on!
Visit my website: Woodburning Art by David https://www.wdbydavid.com/
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Do you know what Communists used to light their houses with before candles.........Electricity.
- Paladin
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 11411
- Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 12:20 am
- Location: Near Austin, Texas, between a Rock and a Weird Place
- Contact:
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
And socialists!
Ray
Paladin
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Do you know why Bonnie never drove the get away car?
She was a bad Parker.
She was a bad Parker.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Floyd .
Did you hear about the guy who showed up late for the cannibals meeting?
All he got was the cold shoulder!
Did you hear about the guy who showed up late for the cannibals meeting?
All he got was the cold shoulder!
Ike
- Quick Steel
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 16953
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:39 pm
- Location: Lebanon, KY
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Old Folder, tho I have looked at your entry several times, it still evokes a chuckle.
- fergusontd
- Posts: 1821
- Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2009 9:03 pm
- Location: West Central Ohio
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
That canible could have gotten toemain poison from that cold shoulder! ftd
"A pocketknife is a man's best friend!"
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
I thought he might have gotten TOEmain poison if he ate the feet as well.fergusontd wrote: ↑Wed Feb 05, 2020 1:34 pm That canible could have gotten toemain poison from that cold shoulder! ftd
- Paladin
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 11411
- Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 12:20 am
- Location: Near Austin, Texas, between a Rock and a Weird Place
- Contact:
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Doglegg,, you are too much!doglegg wrote: ↑Wed Feb 05, 2020 1:56 pmI thought he might have gotten TOEmain poison if he ate the feet as well.fergusontd wrote: ↑Wed Feb 05, 2020 1:34 pm That canible could have gotten toemain poison from that cold shoulder! ftd
Ray
Paladin
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
God Bless the USA
Please visit my store SWEETWATER KNIVES
"Buy more ammo" - Johnnie Fain
"I'm glad I ain't scared to be lazy." Augustus McCrae
- jerryd6818
- Gold Tier
- Posts: 39165
- Joined: Sun Jan 04, 2009 5:23 am
- Location: The middle of the top of a bastion of Liberalism.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A Punster of the first degree.
Forged on the anvil of discipline.
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
The Few. The Proud.
Jerry D.
This country has become more about sub-groups than about it's unity as a nation.
"The #72 pattern has got to be pretty close to the perfect knife."
--T.J. Murphy 2012
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
A big game hunter went on a safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awakened to find her mother gone. She woke her husband and they both set off in search of the old woman.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was standing face to face with a ferocious lion. "What are we going to do?" his horrified wife asked.
"Nothing" her husband replied "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it"
----------------
Failed the health & safety test at work today
One of the questions was, “What steps would you do in case of a fire?”
DARN BIG ONES apparently wasn't the correct answer.
One morning, while still deep in the jungle, the hunter's wife awakened to find her mother gone. She woke her husband and they both set off in search of the old woman.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. The mother-in-law was standing face to face with a ferocious lion. "What are we going to do?" his horrified wife asked.
"Nothing" her husband replied "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it"
----------------
Failed the health & safety test at work today
One of the questions was, “What steps would you do in case of a fire?”
DARN BIG ONES apparently wasn't the correct answer.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Before the invention of the crowbar, crows had to do all their drinking at home.
We are all just prisoners here of our own device.
In the master's chamber they gather for the feast.
They stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast.
(Eagles: Hotel California)
~Q~
In the master's chamber they gather for the feast.
They stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast.
(Eagles: Hotel California)
~Q~
- Quick Steel
- Bronze Tier
- Posts: 16953
- Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:39 pm
- Location: Lebanon, KY
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
What does criminology study?
Criminology is a science that studies criminals - losers.
Successful criminals are studied by political science.
Criminology is a science that studies criminals - losers.
Successful criminals are studied by political science.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Doctor to patient:
- No, ma'am, I can't stretch your wrinkles anymore.
- Why?
- Did you see in the mirror that charming dimple in your chin?
- Yes! And what?
- Well, that's your navel ... And if I keep going, you'll have a beard.
- No, ma'am, I can't stretch your wrinkles anymore.
- Why?
- Did you see in the mirror that charming dimple in your chin?
- Yes! And what?
- Well, that's your navel ... And if I keep going, you'll have a beard.
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
For his birthday, little Ivancho received a gift from his father - a cellphone.
The next morning, on way to work, the father tells Ivancho:
-If there is a problem, Ivancho - call me!
At about ten o'clock Ivancho called his father:
-Dad, the cat poop in the living room!
-Ivancho, you are big already, take the broom and clean!
At twelve o'clock Ivancho called again:
-Dad, Mom came with a man, they both closed in the bedroom. Now I look through the lock - the man pulls off his pants!
Let me tell you now that I will not clean it !!!
The next morning, on way to work, the father tells Ivancho:
-If there is a problem, Ivancho - call me!
At about ten o'clock Ivancho called his father:
-Dad, the cat poop in the living room!
-Ivancho, you are big already, take the broom and clean!
At twelve o'clock Ivancho called again:
-Dad, Mom came with a man, they both closed in the bedroom. Now I look through the lock - the man pulls off his pants!
Let me tell you now that I will not clean it !!!
Re: Hear of a Good One Lately
Swiss scientists have found that chocolate boosts mood - apparently they have not tasted brandy.
Research scientists in the field of sex empirically determined that it is not bad to be a research scientist in the field of sex.
After years of research, a group of scientists have found that most vitamins are found in pharmacies.
Magadan scientists have made another discovery - they have once again confirmed the widespread notion that size doesn't matter because women with a sense of humor can laugh at any size.
Research scientists in the field of sex empirically determined that it is not bad to be a research scientist in the field of sex.
After years of research, a group of scientists have found that most vitamins are found in pharmacies.
Magadan scientists have made another discovery - they have once again confirmed the widespread notion that size doesn't matter because women with a sense of humor can laugh at any size.