Hear of a Good One Lately

[jerryd6818]

Thanks, Jerry

Makes me feel usefull.

[Stanwade]

Thanks, Jerry

Makes me feel usefull.

I still can't figure out how to do that way from my

[fergusontd]

So why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the the grave of his long departed father who voted absentee for Biden! ftd

[jmh58]

So why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the the grave of his long departed father who voted absentee for Biden! ftd

John

[Meridian_Mike]

So why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the the grave of his long departed father who voted absentee for Biden! ftd

[Paladin]

I just read this one a while ago and thought it was a dandy.
With all due respects to our resident Leathernecks,,,, Semper Fi.....

Subject: Female Quarters on US Navy Ships


Department of the US Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate private "OFF LIMITS" area on all aircraft carriers.

While addressing all personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised, "Female sleeping quarters will be "out-of-bounds" for all males.

Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." And the Admiral continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a US Marine from the security detail assigned to a ship stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

God bless the Marine Corps,,,,

Ray

[OLDE CUTLER]

Here is one you can tell the grandkids:
A contractor/handyman has a busy day ahead with 3 jobs to work. So he gets an early start to go to the building center to get everything he needs. He jumps in the pickup along with his faithful sidekick, his dog. They get to the building center and get a cart, but almost immediately there is a problem. He says to the dog, "darn it I cant remember all the stuff I need to get". The dog replies "roof, roof", and the guy remembers that he needs shingles to fix the roof at the Jones place. Once he gets that the dog goes "bark, bark", and he remembers that he needs to get several bags of landscaping bark for over at the Smith place. Then the dog goes "ruff, ruff", and he remembers that he needs some coarse sandpaper to finish some wood over at the Johnson job. They get all the stuff and go to the checkout to pay, and once there the guy searches his empty pockets and turns to the dog and says "stupid dog, you forgot the credit card".

[doglegg]

I learned today that if you turn a canoe over you can wear it as a hat. Because when you turn it over it's cap_sized.

[OLDE CUTLER]

I learned today that if you turn a canoe over you can wear it as a hat. Because when you turn it over it's cap_sized.

lol, that is a good one doglegg!

[Ridgegrass]

A guy is returning to his hometown after moving away 20 years ago. Flipping through his wallet for some old numbers he finds a shoe repair ticket for shoes he failed to retrieve when he left town. Getting out of his car on Main St. he sees the old shoe repair shop is still there. Smiling at the possibilities he walks in and the old shoemaker greets him. He hands the guy his ticket and the shoemaker disappears into the back of the shop. A couple minutes later he returns and says," Be ready Tuesday". J.O'.



Sound familiar?

[Ridgegrass]

Okay, last one and I'll quit.

The Pope is on a tour of the United States and is in Arizona. He has a morning off and says to his chauffeur. "I'd love a ride through the desert". So off they go. After a few miles the Pope tells the chauffeur, "You know I haven't driven myself in years. It's wide open here, I'd like to drive for a while. He gets in the driver's seat and the chauffeur, in all his Vatican regalia, gets in the back.
The Pope is a terrible driver, swerving all over and speeding, A lone trooper on a motorcycle spots the activity and pulls the huge white limo over. The Pope rolls the front and back windows down and the trooper take s along look at the two of them and says, "Wait here".
Going back to his cycle, he gets on the radio to headquarters and says," I don't know what kind of big shot I got pulled over here but he must be important, the POPE is driving his limo!"

J.O'.

[Working Edge]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at the horse and asks, "Why the long face?"

[fergusontd]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at the horse and asks, "Why the long face?"

Bet he had quite a tail to tell! ftd

[Working Edge]

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at the horse and asks, "Why the long face?"

Bet he had quite a tail to tell! ftd

Lol...!

[dlr110]

J.O. those are great stories!

[Working Edge]

A dog walks into a bar, pushing his way through the swinging doors with one front foot tightly wrapped in blood-soaked gauze, the wounded foot still dripping blood.

The dog says: "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw...."

[cudgee]

[Working Edge]

[bestgear]

A guy walks into a crowded bar waving his unholstered pistol yelling “I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with a 7 round magazine and 1 in the chamber and I want to know whose been sleeping with my wife.”

A voice from the back of the bar yells “your gonna need more ammo!”

[Mumbleypeg]

I’ve been taking a daily supplement that is supposed prevent memory loss. I can’t remember the name of it.

Ken

[Eustace]

Soldiers sit in a trench. One of them takes out a trophy cigar, puts it in his mouth, and raises his head so that the tip of the cigar protrudes above the trench.
An enemy sniper fire is heard, the bullet cuts off the tip of the cigar and ignites it.
The soldier sits on the ground, puffs contentedly, emits a wheel of smoke and says:
- That sniper is a big deal. It saves me a match, and I don't have a cigar knife ...
- Isn't that dangerous? - asks sitting next to him fighter.
- No! If you don't inhale smoke in your lungs, no problem ...

[Eustace]

A good biker can distinguish over 30 types of insects ... to taste.

[Jeffinn]

A guy walks into a crowded bar waving his unholstered pistol yelling “I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with a 7 round magazine and 1 in the chamber and I want to know whose been sleeping with my wife.”

A voice from the back of the bar yells “your gonna need more ammo!”

[doglegg]

Soldiers sit in a trench. One of them takes out a trophy cigar, puts it in his mouth, and raises his head so that the tip of the cigar protrudes above the trench.
An enemy sniper fire is heard, the bullet cuts off the tip of the cigar and ignites it.
The soldier sits on the ground, puffs contentedly, emits a wheel of smoke and says:
- That sniper is a big deal. It saves me a match, and I don't have a cigar knife ...
- Isn't that dangerous? - asks sitting next to him fighter.
- No! If you don't inhale smoke in your lungs, no problem ...

I’ve been taking a daily supplement that is supposed prevent memory loss. I can’t remember the name of it.

Ken

[Samb]

A good biker can distinguish over 30 types of insects ... to taste.

A smart biker rides with his mouth shut.