This is from a section of my unpublished book "Random Thought of an Old Man, I'm Right Again." The section is about things that make me mad. I believe most of us can relate to this one, having had some really bad calls.
When I need customer service for my TV, computer, one of my credit cards, it really irritates me to call and I’m greeted by a recorded voice, that really tightens my jaw. I hate phone menus! The first thing you hear is “thank you for calling…please listen carefully for our menu options have changed.” Now a voice comes on giving you the option of hearing everything in Spanish and of course I ignore it.
Now you start hearing things like "if you have an account press 1." "please say or press in your account number." Here is my favorite when nothing matches the reason for your call "if you would like to hear these options again press 9 otherwise goodbye." Everyone go ahead and scream.
Next, if you do select one of the options, you hear “we’re experiencing a higher than normal call volume, your approximate wait time will be 25 minutes or you may press one to leave us your name and number and we will return your call as soon as possible.” Or you may also hear “Your call is very important to us, all calls are answered in the order they were received, please hold and a customer service representative will be with you as soon as possible.”
Now you sit and wait on hold for 30 minutes listening to either the worst concert or 80’s music you ever heard or maybe infomercials that have nothing to do with your problem. Then when you finally get transferred to another machine you hear “so we can better serve you and for training purposes this call may be recorded.” I.... DON’T.... CARE,.... JUST GIVE ME SOMEONE TO TALK TOO!
No, you don’t get to talk to a live breathing person yet. You must now answer questions like, “please say or enter your account number.” Then the computer wants to know your first and last name, the phone number on the account, what you are calling about, do you want to continue with the automated service and no telling what else before it will transfer you to someone that will speak to you in a human voice.
It’s about now that I want to hang up or just SCREAM into the phone, but I take a deep breath, knowing that I would only sound and look very foolish yelling at a computer-generated voice. NOW…...the topper is, after you have given all your vital information to the computer a live breathing person finally comes on the line. They can never use simple names like Frank, Jim, or Susan. They have to use names like “Dilip” or “Pahi” and the first thing they say is “hello my name is…. for verification, my I have your name and the phone number on the account?” AGAIN!!! I just start counting, ONE,.... TWO,.... THREE.
At this point my blood pressure has reached a dangerous level, my voice has gone up a few decibels and sounds more like a woman’s voice than my own. I’ve been on the phone pushing buttons so long now that I’ve forgotten why I made this call in the first place as the agent finally starts to ask relevant questions. Depending on the reason for my call why can’t I have the option up front to choose the automated service or go straight to a live customer service agent with no automated questions?