Hear of a Good One Lately

[doglegg]

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

A Hippo is really heavy.

A Zippo is a little lighter.

[jmh58]

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

A Hippo is really heavy.

A Zippo is a little lighter.

John

[Quick Steel]

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable.

BUT…

In Michigan, he'd be called "the last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector.

In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, WV, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina and Minnesota he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

AND,OF COURSE,

In Florida , he'd just be "a guy who's a little short on Ammo."

[doglegg]

You may have heard on the news about a Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable.

BUT…

In Michigan, he'd be called "the last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector.

In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, WV, Mississippi, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina and Minnesota he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

AND,OF COURSE,

In Florida , he'd just be "a guy who's a little short on Ammo."

[Samb]

Good one

[bestgear]

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's, when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said "So, why are you here?"

The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything...the sofa, the curtains, the cat and the kids.
But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black Lab said, "So what’s the vet going to do?"
"Gonna cut my beans off," came the reply from the yellow Lab, "they reckon it'll calm me down."

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "So, why are you here?" The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."

"So what are they going to do to you ?" the Yellow Lab enquired. "Looks like I'm losing my beans too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?"

"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane.
"I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away"

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's off with your beans for you too, huh?" The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

[Samb]

Funny stuff.

[Quick Steel]

Good news: Sweden is sending weapons.

Bad news: Gotta assemble them yourselves.

[QTCut5]

Can't figure out why I am never able to post the YouTube clip...so, you'll just have to click on the link. This was sent to me by a friend who is always making fun of me for my knife obsession.

The newest GEC release (after the "Zombie Apocalypse): "The Eviscerator" in genuine Staghorn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=7eK8fdcL9Z0

[Rdubya21]

That was good !

[doglegg]

Can't figure out why I am never able to post the YouTube clip...so, you'll just have to click on the link. This was sent to me by a friend who is always making fun of me for my knife obsession.

The newest GEC release (after the "Zombie Apocalypse): "The Eviscerator" in genuine Staghorn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=7eK8fdcL9Z0

You made me laugh Q.

[Ridgegrass]

Guy buys a Chameleon. Puts it in a cage full of tropical plants. Chameleon turns brown. Guy puts it in a cage with dry desert vegetation. Chameleon turns green. He takes it to the vet. Vet says leave it, I'll call you when I figure it out.
Vet calls two days later to say.......










You've a reptile dysfunction! J.O'.

[Eustace]

The Germans have decided to show what a nation of technology is. They made a bolt as thin as a hair and sent it to the Japanese.A week later, the Japanese returned it, drilled in length. The Germans recruited a team of engineers and made an internal thread on the hole. They sent it back to Japan. In order to get rid of them, the Japanese made a bolt on the inner thread, wound it up and send it to the Swabians.
the Germans scratched their heads and said:
- The Japanese are obviously making fun of us. Let's send it to the Bulgarians to see what they can do: they can't even make ties for shoes.
A week later they received it back with a note:
- We found out that there is a clearence between the bolt and the thread and we have rolled up the oakum ....

[just bob]

Heard these on the radio today. A lot of truth in these.

A landlord provides housing in the same sense that a ticket scalper provides seating


Taco Bell is the only place left where you can get gas for 99 cents.

[QTCut5]

'This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.'

[doglegg]

The Germans have decided to show what a nation of technology is. They made a bolt as thin as a hair and sent it to the Japanese.A week later, the Japanese returned it, drilled in length. The Germans recruited a team of engineers and made an internal thread on the hole. They sent it back to Japan. In order to get rid of them, the Japanese made a bolt on the inner thread, wound it up and send it to the Swabians.
the Germans scratched their heads and said:
- The Japanese are obviously making fun of us. Let's send it to the Bulgarians to see what they can do: they can't even make ties for shoes.
A week later they received it back with a note:
- We found out that there is a clearence between the bolt and the thread and we have rolled up the oakum ....

[doglegg]

Heard these on the radio today. A lot of truth in these.

A landlord provides housing in the same sense that a ticket scalper provides seating


Taco Bell is the only place left where you can get gas for 99 cents.

'This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.'

[Ridgegrass]

Guy has a 22 ounce, cowboy steak, two baked potatoes, salad,two beers and dessert. Walks out of the restaurant and a bum says to him, "Mister, I haven't eaten in two days". Guys answers. "Man, I wish I had your self control".

[Waukonda]

Guy has a 22 ounce, cowboy steak, two baked potatoes, salad,two beers and dessert. Walks out of the restaurant and a bum says to him, "Mister, I haven't eaten in two days". Guys answers. "Man, I wish I had your self control".

[Ridgegrass]

[Samb]

Girls are thinking he must be rich.

[philco]

Tis the season.........

[jmh58]

Tis the season.........

John

[Mumbleypeg]

Friend who trains dogs sent this short video to me. Hope you enjoy a good laugh as much as I did.

https://duckhillkennels.smugmug.com/Con ... -k5W6nLt/A

Ken

[QTCut5]

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings, you know she's a keeper.