Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

[jerryd6818]

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
· I had no control over the drooling.
· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

[Steve Warden]

I saw that several years ago. First time I read it I laughed so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye!!
Still can't get through the whole thing without laughing out loud!

[doglegg]

Laughed till I cried.

[Mumbleypeg]

When we were teenagers some of my buddies and I would ZZAP!! one another with cattle prods. It'll make you jump for sure! if you spend much time around a farm or ranch there's probably a cattle prod somewhere. After a few times all they had to do was poke you with a finger and make a "zzzzzzzzttt" sound to make you jump.

I'm sure those pocket tazers have to be a lot stronger than a cattle prod. But I don't want to find out!

Ken

[jmh58]

My son shocked himself with my dog collar I used on my hunting dog yrs ago.. He wont do it twice!!!
John

[buddyie22]

Thanks for the laugh things around here are way too serious.

[Doc B]

Ha!

[treefarmer]

We used to play around with the Hot Shot cattle prods and they would make you move around. All the old Hot Shots had a red battery box and then a new one with a blue box came out on the market, they were a lot "hotter". They would certainly make a cow or hog change their mind about not going with the flow. All that was years ago, I haven't touched a Hot Shot in years. I can only imagine that the technology has probably changed considerably. Those old cattle prods held 6 D sized batteries if I remember correctly.
Treefarmer

[kootenay joe]

I do not understand electricity but it is amazing that 2 AAA batteries have the power to cause such a violent reaction. Does anyone here know if they work through clothing or fur like on a bear ? Or is skin contact needed ?
One of these might be a good back up to bear spray in a bear attack. I was charged by a large male Kangal dog about 6 months ago. I had a bear spray with me and waited until the dog was about 8 feet directly in front of me before i pulled the trigger. A thick orange spray went out but the dog was able to veer off to the side and it hit him in the shoulder which did give me time to get back into my vehicle but did not really deter the dog.
What i learned is that the spray moves slowly towards the target and animals can swerve faster than the spray travels.
Wonder if a stun gun would work through the hairy hide of an animal ?
kj

[Airborne 1]

If the bear is that close to ya ,ya might as well use it yourself. Maybe the bear will start laughing and fell sorry for You.

[kootenay joe]

Actually in a bear attack (which are rare), the bear knocks you down, shakes you and drags you around before chewing on your scalp or abdomen. If you had a taser in your pocket you might be able to get it out and zap him. However if direct skin contact is required he might not feel much as they have a thick covering of hair. Hence my question.
kj

[jerryd6818]

If the bear is that close to ya ,ya might as well use it yourself. Maybe the bear will start laughing and fell sorry for You.

[Airborne 1]

I'm pretty sure it would just piss it off even more !

[kootenay joe]

An electric fence is very effect on keeping bears out of orchards etc. They get shocked once and will never again try to go into the same area. And they teach their offspring to avoid it as well. The shock from an electric fence is not that painful but for some reason bears are very frightened by it. Usually it is their nose that touches the wire. If they are already on the run and run into the wire it just snaps and they don't get a shock.
kj

[Mumbleypeg]

I do not understand electricity but it is amazing that 2 AAA batteries have the power to cause such a violent reaction. Does anyone here know if they work through clothing or fur like on a bear ? Or is skin contact needed ?
One of these might be a good back up to bear spray in a bear attack. I was charged by a large male Kangal dog about 6 months ago. I had a bear spray with me and waited until the dog was about 8 feet directly in front of me before i pulled the trigger. A thick orange spray went out but the dog was able to veer off to the side and it hit him in the shoulder which did give me time to get back into my vehicle but did not really deter the dog.
What i learned is that the spray moves slowly towards the target and animals can swerve faster than the spray travels.
Wonder if a stun gun would work through the hairy hide of an animal ?
kj

Yes a stun gun will work through the hairy hide of an animal. A stun gun is simply a higher powered cattle prod. (TF we called them "hot shots" too but I figured most non country folks wouldn't know what I was talking about if I called them hot shots.) I can tell you from personal experience a hot shot works through clothing! So does an electric fence.

Regarding the question of how they work: https://electronics.howstuffworks.com/g ... un-gun.htm.

Ken

[Gunsil]

When I was a kid we'd visit the old family farm in NW OH. Small family diary and corn/soy operation. We younger children were always told to never touch the electric fence. Naturally my older cousins liked to have fun and one went into the barn and shut off the electric fence while another showed me you could hold that fence wire with both hands and nothing would happen, telling me it was just another adult lie that the fence was dangerous. Naturally I had to grasp the wire with both hands at which point somebody signalled the cousin in the barn who turned on the juice and they all had a rolling on the ground laugh as I jumped and yelled from the shock. Only good thing was that I wasn't the youngest of us 17 cousins and got to pull it on other cousins when I became a teen. Then of course there was my father who when the gas lawn mower wouldn't start told me to hold the spark plug wire while he pulled the start rope so he could see whether it was lack of spark or gas causing the no start. It was gas naturally and I jumped pretty high but did learn about checking for spark!

[kootenay joe]

Ken, thanks once again for the stun gun info. I'm learning good stuff here as well as knives. It is the volts/amps thing that i have never understood. The stun gun has high volts low amps. I think there must be high volts and high amps to kill a person as in power lines or household 220V ?
kj

[Mumbleypeg]

Roland, think of electricity as a liquid. The "liquid" is electrons. Amperage is the number of electrons (the amount, or volume). Voltage is the pressure or force. So a stun gun applies a small number of electrons with high force.

A person killed by electricity typically has come in contact with high amperage (a large amount of electrons) at a high enough voltage (force) to move enough electrons through the body.

The third important element in all of this is resistance. The size of the pipe through which the liquid is being moved. In our analogy the pipe would be the wire through which electrons are being moved. In the case of liquid the amount or volume that can be moved is limited by the diameter of the pipe. Too much volume and/or pressure will burst the pipe. The equivalent of the pipe's diameter is the size or gauge of the wire. Too many electrons (amperes) and/or too much pressure (voltage) will burst the wire. It will melt or burn.

Ken

[kootenay joe]

Thanks Ken. I really enjoy learning here whether about knives or electricity or all the other topics i have never understood.
kj

[jerryd6818]

Excellent job of breaking that down, Ken.

[royal0014]

Very similar joke out there about a feller what ran over a live
fence wire with his push mower. Mower ran better after, he could change channels
on his tv with a fart, and also offered a reward for the safe return of his testicles (!)
Kinda crude but still funny ... 'course I'm kinda crude, too ...

[OLDE CUTLER]

Another one that will hit you hard is the magneto from a Wisconsin combine engine, especially when you are 7 years old. Dad was getting the combine out of the shed and ready to use for harvest and he was doing a tune up and had the magneto off the engine and turned it by hand and it made a big spark. He then laid it down and went back to the garage to get another tool. I thought that is really neat, so I picked it up and turned it by hand and ZAP. I was holding on to it in a different place than dad was, and it got me. Even worse, I dropped it and it fell right on my foot. Double ouch!!

[samb1955]

Very similar joke out there about a feller what ran over a live
fence wire with his push mower. Mower ran better after, he could change channels
on his tv with a fart, and also offered a reward for the safe return of his testicles (!)
Kinda crude but still funny ... 'course I'm kinda crude, too ...

Good one!

[Mumbleypeg]

The magneto from an old hand-cranked telephone can light you up too. Some of them can put out around 80 to 100 volts AC!

Ken

[fergusontd]

Jerry, a great sea story! Hey this ain't no sh...t! ftd