All About Pocket Knives

Blind Man And Nuns

Nuns where repainting their chapel. They kept getting paint on their clothes
so they decided to remove them, but agreed not to let ANYONE in until they were
done and replaced their clothing. Then they heard some one knocking and one of
them yelled, "Whooo is it?"
‘‘the blind man!'' He yelled back.
They decided since he was blind it would be all right.
They opened the door and the man said, ''Nice boobs! Where do you want the
blinds?"

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.


Bada Bing...Bada Boom.

Courtesy of W.C. Fields

Bill

Bill;

On second thought, I don't think it would work for Mr Clinton to play that role. W.C. actually smoked his cigars & could make semi-intelligent statements even while drunk, something Mr Clinton had difficulty with when sober & under oath. To say nothing of the cigar issue.

Someone did a good job on the poster.

Since we're on the Clinton's...



Hillary and Janet . . .


Senator Hillary Clinton (D, NY) and former Attorney General
Janet Reno were having one of those girl-to-girl talks, and
Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to
put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with
Bill, and there is no telling where he was last."

Janet responded, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged
(that's "politically correct" for ugly as a mud fence) does
not mean I don't have to fight off unwelcome sexual advances."

Hillary asks, "Well, how do you deal with the problem?"
Janet: "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make
a pass at me, I muster all my might, tense, and squeeze to
break wind as loud and hard as I can."

That night, Bill was already in bed with the lights out when
Hillary slips into bed. She could hear him start to stir, and
knew that he would be wanting some action. She had been
saving gas all day long and was ready for him. She tenses
up her butt cheeks and forces out the most disgusting sound
you could imagine.




Bill rolls over and says, "I'll be damned . . . Janet, is that you?"

OK! Knifekid, now you got me started!

One More!

Perry's story reminded me of something I had heard a long time ago.

The reason Chelsie Clinton is so "aesthetically challenged" is because Janet Reno is her real father.

AND ANOTHER!

orvet wrote:Perry's story reminded me of something I had heard a long time ago.

The reason Chelsie Clinton is so "aesthetically challenged" is because Janet Reno is her real father.

Hillary at the podium looks like Ellen Degenerate

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona and the other is in Colorado. When we all left out home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this a a nice custom and leaves it at that.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzed for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers, though."

Yup.

Oh sure...

You boys from Tejas get the beers, and us boys in Aridzona just get the memories.




Dry Bill

Speaking of Beer!

Drug Used to Seduce Men

Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs:
Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a drug called "beer" that is essentially in liquid form.

The most effective varieties are being shipped in from other countries. "Beer" is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them.

The shocking statistic is that this "beer" is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. Please! Forward this to every man you know... There is safety in numbers...

Hey Mitch, I have heard of this beer...... But what is this sex with no strings attached???

Gunsmoke47 wrote:Hey Mitch, I have heard of this beer...... But what is this sex with no strings attached???

I don't know, maybe it's a Myth like the legendary SANDBAR STAG!

Sheesh you guys...that's easy.

Mitch;
I thought the Stag was a Mythter. Oh well.

A Catholic Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing henever taught them was how to speakEnglish. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree. "


The Priest pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock." The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.


As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."


The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.


The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?



The chief replied , " My bike."

BW

DO ELEPHANTS REALLY HAVE MEMORIES? FINALLY, ONE I CAN REALLY LIKE...



I don't usually like these heartwarming stories; but this one is truly worth reading...



In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a baby bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The young elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very slowly and cautiously.



He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.



As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.



The elephant turned to face the man; and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.



Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.



Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and quite deliberately walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared intently at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.



Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant he had helped twenty years earlier.



Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.



The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.



Probably wasn't the same elephant.

NOTE TO MYSELF: STAY AWAY FROM ELEPHANTS.

useem wrote:NOTE TO MYSELF: STAY AWAY FROM ELEPHANTS.

I'll Second That!

Psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four
> young mothers and their small children.
>
> "You all have obsessions," he observed.
> To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with
> eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
> He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money.
> Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
> He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol.
> This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
> At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her
> little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on Dick, we're leaving."
>
>

LRV and, Mossdancer;

Thanks I needed your help to today...

As allways MITCH RAPP grate photo..