All About Pocket Knives

Mumbleypeg wrote: ↑Sat Jan 27, 2024 3:51 am Shortly after the flight to London took off, an attractive blonde woman stood up from her seat in coach class, walked up the aisle to the first class section, and sat down in an empty seat. A flight attendant saw her do it, followed her to first class, politely told her she could not sit in first class without purchasing a first class ticket, and asked her return to her assigned seat.

Her reply was "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to London first class. I'm not moving!"

The flight attendant went into the pilot's cabin and reported "There's a blond woman sitting in first class who does not belong there. She has a ticket for a seat in coach, but she refuses to leave the seat in first class."

The second officer sighed and said "I'll handle it." He approached the woman, told her she did not have a ticket for a seat in first class and politely asked her to return to her assigned seat.

The woman replied emphatically "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to London in this first class seat!"

The second officer returned to the cabin and informed the pilot. "She won't move. I guess we'll have to radio the London airport and have her arrested at the gate."

The pilot looked at the flight attendant. "Did I hear you say she's blond?"

"Yes."

To which the pilot said "I'll take care of this." He went back to first class, approached the woman, and quietly said something to her.

The woman replied "Oh, thank you", got up and returned to her seat in coach.

The pilot returned to the cabin and his seat. They asked "How did you do that?!"

The pilot replied "Simple - I just told her first class isn't going to London."

Ken

Waukonda wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2024 11:33 am With apologies to the Cowboys fans.......

Waukonda wrote: ↑Tue Jan 30, 2024 11:33 am With apologies to the Cowboys fans.......

Paladin wrote: ↑Thu Mar 28, 2024 2:01 pm Here is one that I found amusing...

The Haircut.


A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.
He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded, “Why would anyone want to go there. It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking United,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“United!” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.”
“That dump! That’s the worst hotel in Rome. The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they’re overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it!”
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” explained the man. “Not only were we on time in one of United’s brand-new planes, but it was over-booked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful young stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel! Well, it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They were overbooked too, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the barber. “I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked in. As I knelt down, he spoke to me.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Where’d you get the shitty haircut’?”

QTCut5 wrote: ↑Wed Apr 10, 2024 12:40 pm A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't think I've ever seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea! I'll contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

QTCut5 wrote: ↑Wed Apr 10, 2024 12:40 pm A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't think I've ever seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!"

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea! I'll contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Waukonda wrote: ↑Sat May 04, 2024 9:25 pm You members in the Southland should like this one.