All About Pocket Knives

This story is about a neighbor of ours;a 78 year old Korean woman who has lived alone for many years.She came to this country as a young woman and married early.She had two sons and a very abusive husband whom she finally divorced.

She worked with my wife at a local GM plant and was always very bitter toward people;especially men.She was always a hard worker and put in many hours of overtime each week and finally retired with a pretty decent pension.

She has a nice house across the street from ours and in the summer she is constantly working on her gardens which are marvelous.

Unfortunately she still is very bitter still toward people and has managed to alienate virtually everyone in the neighborhood.My wife is the only one who will speak to her anymore. She had her license suspended after a couple of hit and run accidents;neither of which caused any injury but did cause damage.

She comes over the house at any time and almost demands that my wife take her someplace.We realized awhile back that she is in the early stages of dementia and is also suffering what is commonly called,"sundowners syndrome" whereby she starts hallucinating after it gets dark.

Her oldest son has done little or nothing to help her mainly because whenever he tries she just tells him to get out.Her other son hasn't spoken to her in many years and lives across the country.

We have spoken with the local authorities about it;a good friend of my is a local police officer who has had many run ins with her.Basically there is nothing we(or anyone else apparently)can do unless she sets the house on fire or starts running around the neighborhood naked.

Tonight the weather was pretty wild around here.Heavy thunderstorms;a tornado watch;a tornado touching down about 20 miles away. As I was going out to put my car in the shop she came walking down the driveway asking me if her son was still here.She does this pretty frequently and we try and explain to her that he isn't here and hasn't been.

It was really sad as I tried to explain it to her and she had this grim look on her face as she said,"I've never been so frightened to be living alone". I walked her back to her house and told her I would try and get hold of her son and have him call.

I guess what is really sad is that she is only ten years older than me and my wife and I wonder if this is what we have to look forward to.

So that's my story folks;thanks for listening.And if you have someone in your neighborhood who lives alone,it would be a good thing to check on them every so often.Sometimes just listening to them talk does wonders for both them and you.

Getting old "stinks" to put it nicely.
I am trying to figure out why they call it the "Golden Years"
Aches, pains, seeing people you love go. So sad when the mind goes first.
I would hate not knowing who my family is, or losing space and time like that.
I guess the best ting to do is enjoy every day while you still can.
Be thankful for what good health we still have, it can change in an instant.
I just Pray that better days are coming, keep the faith.

My Dad had dementia and Sundowner's Syndrome too. He ended his days in the Alzheimer's Unit at a local nursing home. His mother had the same thing so I think to some degree it's genetic. What a sad ending to a life. I hope your neighbor's children will take care of her.

That is sad to say the least. Good for you and your wife k7k for not looseing patience with her and trying to help where you can.
When I was a young man delivering papers, I had 2 nursing homes on my route. The things I saw in those places has left an impression on me to this day. I'd rather have my days ended by being mauled by a bear, then to live even 1 hour in one of those hell holes!
The folks I delivered papers to still had their faculties, but you could tell that the smile and thank you I offered as I handed them their papers was the only kindness most of them had seen in awhile.
As Boy Scouts, we used to frequent the same homes. I'll be honest, it was hard to do. Delivering goodies and small gifts seemed so petty compared to the rest of the lives they had to lead. As I look back, i'm glad I did it. I hope I made a difference in atleast some of their lives. We should all do what we can for the elderly, we're all getting there and many of us way too soon.

WB

Hospitals are bad but nursing homes are the worst. People just sittin' around waitin' to die. I can hardly make myself go inside them.

Ray, should you ever get in the condition this woman's in, I wish for you someone with the same patience you show for her.

jerryd6818 wrote:Hospitals are bad but nursing homes are the worst. People just sittin' around waitin' to die. I can hardly make myself go inside them.

Ray, should you ever get in the condition this woman's in, I wish for you someone with the same patience you show for her.

Plus one from me, well done.

Brett.

Ray, I have no doubt your kindness will be rewarded.
Excellent job sir!

I grew up with the example of parents who looked after elderly neighbors. I tried to live that example for my children as well.

I was very proud of my youngest son who help out an elderly lady in out church when he was in grade school. She would insist on paying him for his assistance over his objections. I received more than one note from her telling me how much she appreciated his help. I know he enjoyed the company of her as much as she enjoyed his.

Now he has a family of his own and the old lady passed away at the age of 104. There is a widow in the town where he now lives that he helps out from time to time. Makes me proud of my son.

Thank you for the kind words Dale. What saddens me is that Lee is Korean and in their culture(as are most Asian cultures) the elders are always looked on with reverence and it is almost a given that they will be cared for by the children.I guess this was one of the traditions that was left behind when she came to this country.

I was raised by my grandparents and respect;especially for one's elders was a forgone conclusion.To deviate from that usually was rewarded by a careful application of the hand to a predetermined location. Usually once or twice was enough to learn.

Most of my family is gone now;my last aunt having passed away just short of her 99th birthday. I realize that my time is not all that far off and I hope people will understand should I succumb to the ravages of Alzheimer's or dementia.

An update to this story:

Several weeks ago Lee asked us to return her house key that she had left with us in case of an emergency.We tried to talk her out of doing this but she insisted she needed it to have a duplicate made for her son.
After repeated requests,we finally decided to give it back to her.That didn't stop her from coming to our house several times a day and asking for the key.We tried to explain that we had given it back to her but she refused to accept that.
Her dementia started to get worse and she kept coming over and saying that people were looking in her windows at night;calling the police and a locksmith to change the locks in her house.
It climaxed the other night when my wife hadn't seen her for a day and she hadn't answered several phone calls my wife had made.Our son had gone over to see if she might be in her back yard or perhaps walking around the neighborhood and he reported back that he hadn't seen her.
With our next door neighbor my wife went up and knocked on the front door.Lee called out faintly to her that she had fallen and couldn't get up and was in a lot of pain.She didn't know how long she had been like that.After trying to get in through the back door and garage they called the police.
They arrived and attempted to break down the front doors(which are solid 1" thick wood)and after about 20 minutes finally managed to dislodge the deadbolt.
She was conscious but in a lot of pain.The ambulance arrived and took her to the local hospital.While having an X-ray done,she experienced a violent seizure and lost consciousness.
They elected to life flight her to Toledo Hospital(about 45 miles away)as the local hospital wasn't equipped to handle this type of trauma.On the flight she experienced another seizure and stopped breathing.They resuscitated her and when she arrived they discovered that she had blood on her brain and it was swelling badly.She exhibited virtually no response to stimulus.
We drove down and spent the night there but she did not regain consciousness.This afternoon they disconnected all life support and she passed away about 7pm tonight.
Both my wife and neighbor are very upset in that they think they should have done more and I am having a hard time convincing them otherwise.
So I may not be on here very much this week as the work is just beginning now. Another update will follow.

Ray,
There are times even when we do the right thing, things don’t seem to go the way we think they should.

What your neighbor experienced was part of the natural aging process for many people, and try as we may we can only postpone the inevitable. Death always wins at the end in this life. Where you folks made the difference is that you were there for her and did all you could (or that she would allow you to do) to make her life more comfortable and meaningful. If you and your wife had not been there she might have lain there for days suffering before she passed away. That would have been most unpleasant for her.

The fact is there is little any of you could have done to prevent her fall short of being present in her house 24/7 to help her. As good responsible neighbors you did everything you could and more to help her, despite her dementia.

You folks were, and no doubt are the kind of neighbor we all wish we had. Folks like you, your wife & neighbor are really awesome neighbors, the very best kind, no matter how the situation turned out. It could have been much much worse.

Thank God you were able to help her as much as you did.
God bless you all.

orvet wrote:The fact is there is little any of you could have done to prevent her fall short of being present in her house 24/7 to help her.

Sometimes even that doesn't help. My 96 year old neighbor was going into the beauty shop last week, holding onto the arm of the person that brought her and with a cane in her other hand. Somehow the one little step up into the building made her lose her balance and she went over backwards, conking her head on the sidewalk. An MRI didn't show a concussion but she has a huge knot on the back of her head. Sometimes things happen in spite of all the precautions in the world. In the end, we are such fragile creatures with a finite existence.