Letter from a 86 yr old woman / Revenge on the bureaucrats

[Rustle47]

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent
to a bank by an 86 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing
enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check
with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account
of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in
place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that
brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way
of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness
springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink
my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your
telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am
confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless
entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal
with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan
repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but
will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and
confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal
Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached
an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to
complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as
much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history
must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the
mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets
and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due
course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*)
BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in
case I am there.

#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I
am sleeping

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I
am attending to nature

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I
am not at home

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a
password to access my computer is required. Password will be
communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact
mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to
options 1 through 7.

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The
contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated
answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for
English. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting
music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I
must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new
arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less
prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

[smiling-knife]

I really enjoyed that.

[Cope]

Good piece Rustle.....This is one of a very few things that get my blood boiling. I hear of a thing called "customer service" but I have yet to see it in my 37 yrs on earth. Banks are just one of many establishments that without us "little" people wouldn't exist or at least as they do now. But it is OUR fault for allowing this to happen. IF folks would stick together, and they never will, it could be stopped. They (businesses in general) act as if they are doing us a favor, and many times are, but should be treated as "royalty". But the big favor is US allowing them to exist in the fashion they are. For an example and then I promise I'll shut up, the only electric company available to me is a Co-op, which means customer owned. They do absolutely nothing FOR the customer but take our money on a monthly basis. YET the higher ups are making mega-bucks and you should their offices. It would put any mansion to shame and the furniture is unbelievable. It is us that allow these things to happen. Things happen for the most part slowly, over a period of time and is not as noticeable......OK I'm done.......ShewwwwWeeeee!!

Brad