T J Murphy

[RobesonsRme.com]

I am bothered by the apparent lack of follow up information on TJ.

Has no one had contact with him or his family?

Have I missed something?

Charlie Noyes

[jerryd6818]

You haven't missed anything Charlie. It's not that I don't care, I haven't called him because I don't feel comfortable intruding. Someone with more brass would certainly be welcome to take up that flag.

[RobesonsRme.com]

So, we don’t know if he’s alive or not.

The fact that he, himself, has not posted something is extremely troubling.

Charlie

[kootenay joe]

tjmurphy profile shows: age 72, average of 3.4 posts/day and last post April 13 2018. His posts per day would be higher if taken until April 13.
Not a good sign because he was very active. I did not, or do not, know him but i think someone who does should try to contact 'tj' or his family.
We need a 'process' for this situation because many of us are old geezers near expiry date. Maybe our profile could include a contact # or email for family or friend ?
kj

[orvet]

That would certainly be nice information to have, if members were comfortable with sharing it.
Personally, I am not comfortable in requiring that information of every new member who registers.
Perhaps Bryan could figure out a way to organize a voluntary database for members who would like to share such information. I agree it would be nice to have and I think most people would be comfortable with a non-published directory that is held in confidenice.

How do other members feel on this topic?

[stagman]

Is there anybody that shared an occasional email with him ???
Seems like if he could get to a computer, he would of left
a short message of his predicament as much as he was on AAPK...
A email would be a lot less intrusive than a phone call as I see it.
Anyone have his email ??? Day to day..sometimes for me at least,,
minute to minute just trying how to figure out how to live every morning you wake up !!!

Will
http://www.allaboutpocketknives.com/stagman

[LongBlade]

All we know is he had a stroke - and Charlie you have not missed anything - there has been no updates to my knowledge..

I agree and support KJ’s suggestion 100% - contact info would be nice to have in this case ....

Dale - I second that suggestion and maybe Bryan can arrange this for members to add to their profile - not required but an option pending ones own decision..

A story in short of a similar situation and why this would be important - after 4 years of a fly fishing friend being missing from a fly tying forum we all recently found out he passed away... he had no close family nor did we have any info as to a contact nor knew exactly where he lived... I tried everything including his phone, email etc for a year and periodically but never heard anything - all was disconnected... I held up hope he would reappear as I knew he was having financial problems so thought maybe he just turned off any financial burdens.. Sadly by strange circumstance a member of the forum came to learn by coincidence just last Spring a person he met in Portland Oregon had books and fishing gear belonging to this individual - this unknown person to the forum said 4 years ago he came across a large yard sale of numerous fly fishing gear, equipment and flies - it was the belongings of this good friend ... and only by checking town records after this story and finally knew his last location did we learn he had passed away - he had no close family but nobody knew.. It was painful to find this out after many years but if there was something in his profile as to an emergency contact we may have known years ago...

[philco]

I too wish there were some way to contact members who go silent online. I've had a couple of occasions where that has occurred with members of this site and I had no way to find out what had happened to them other than to send an email or PM and hope for a response that never came. As Dale said, I don't think it's a good idea to ask for phone numbers or next of kin information of all new members, but among those of us who are regulars here and have come to be friends, I'd like to be able to check on them or have them check on me if a disappearing act occurs.

[RobesonsRme.com]

I agree. All that would be needed would be a Contact Number and that could be a spouse or a son or daughter.

Actually, Son or Daughter might be better than Spouse, purely for emotional/grievance issues.

I would gladly provide such, as long as it was only available to the Administrators.

Charlie Noyes

[treefarmer]

I'm thinking of one member in particular, johnnierotten and remembering Lisa kept the forum informed when he passed. If our spouses know our attachment to the AAPK forum, we might remind them to inform the forum when some issue comes our way where we can't respond. I suppose folks don't want to think about such happenings but we aren't guaranteed another day. Username and password is all they need. I'm not opposed to having my info in a file kept by the administrators as Charlie has just suggested.
Treefarmer

[Miller Bro's]

I sent Tom a PM on June 24th, it's still in my outbox as unread. I hope he's ok

[bestgear]

My $0.02 on the subject. First off, Godspeed to Tom and his family for whatever is happening or has happened - it has created a disconnect to AAPK and that's a 2-way loss.

Second, To me ends it up boiling down to figuring out exactly what each of us individually want from an online community like AAPK. If you're simply looking for a sounding board to unleash all your thoughts about pocket knives without worrying about judgement, anonymous is probably the way to go, and it's not hard to do.

However, if you want to build something larger from an online community, it might be best to be somewhat transparent with your identity, and practice the same restraint for information sharing as you do in real life.

I do believe that Bryan could devise an ICE (in case of emergency) field that could be somewhat protected yet available for times like this. A simpler idea might be for each of us to have a "buddy" that has a means of making contact for situations like this. I personally have the phone numbers, spouses names, home addresses and emails of over 25 regular forum members (but not Tom's). Hasn't somebody sent or received a knife with Tom that could drop him a postcard or phone call?

[jerryd6818]

Tom, I have all that contact information for T.J. and I have called him a couple of times but the last time, his wife put Tom on the phone but she didn't sound happy about it. Having a bad day? I really hate to intrude in the lives of others especially when they have something like this going on. These kinds of things are harder on the family than the patient. I know that because for several years my favorite cousin has been dealing with a wife who has Alzheimer's and is to the point where she hardly ever gets out of bed. To see someone you have lived with and loved for over 50 years slowly deteriorate, it breaks my heart to see what both him and Tom's family are going through.

[bestgear]

Thanks Jerry, what you wrote totally makes sense.

[bighomer]

Wishing TJ all the best.

[kootenay joe]

To contact a family member to inquire about the well being of a friend is NOT intruding. It is showing compassion. When a person dies, those closest to that person often say that friends stopped calling them and how lonely & hurt they felt because of this 'silence'. Despite how awkward it might be for the caller, the family member who answers the call appreciates the care shown.
I did not know Tom other than from reading his posts. If no one is willing to call Tom's # then send it to me and i will.
kj

[Meridian_Mike]

Golly.... I don't know the number, but you are right. That is why family's hold visitations.... not for the deceased.... FOR the FAMILY.

Good luck. What a wonderful gesture on your part.

Mike

[carrmillus]

...I sure miss his comments!!!...... ............

[wazu013]

I hope he's listening to bluegrass music and sharpening his knife.

[glennbad]

It is troubling to have not heard from him for so long. I understand the thought of privacy and respect for the family. However, sometimes family, although they know their loved one enjoys knives, doesn't fully realize the "family" on the forum, and how much this hobby and the people on the forum mean to them.

I like the idea of emergency contact info. I think about it myself, as I have knives here that belong to other people, and if something happened to me, I would want to make sure that those knives were returned to the owners. Plus, anyone that might wonder about my absence, I'd want them to know of my situation. Of course, certain situations, I may not want everyone knowing all the personal details, but I suppose that's up to my loved ones to decide what to share.

I guess it's important for us to let our family know what is acceptable, and that our forum family is as important as our real one.

[kootenay joe]

Should be easy to set up: Click on your own AAPK name and have an optional "Contact Information" link. Info there could be: real name, phone number, physical address, and 2 contact people, their phone # & email. Person can submit all or part of this info. Optional participation.
kj

[RobesonsRme.com]

Thought I'd bump this back up to the top of page one.

TJ and his situation seems to be out of sight and out of mind.

Does no one have any recent informational updates to share?

Alive? Dead? Holding on?

Charlie Noyes

[carrmillus]

....I was also wondering about whether any has heard anything recently about t. j. ???..really miss his posts and comments!!..... .............

[fergusontd]

I hope TJ is doing well. I wish we all knew how he's doing. ftd

[philco]

I've got a call in to his home. Hope to have some news soon. We played phone tag today.