Hear of a Good One Lately

[keithlong]

Hey Moss,
That is too funny. I have been caught in a electric fence myself, living on a dairy farm, we had lots of those fences. It aint funny at the time you are standing there feeling all that power going through you. My younger brother could grab hold of an electric fence and never feel it. Man he would tell us all the time that the fence was off just to see us grab it and see if it was off.

[Sauconian]

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee..

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.


He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'



Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some pruners ( old men ) can still think fast !

[jonet143]

[philco]

The only thing I've ever seen swimming in my pond were cows and my chocolate lab.

[CCBill]

Role model. This is very accurate!

WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL???

Don't cheat, do the math-------

1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9
2) Multiply by 3 then
3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator....)
4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....
5) Add the digits together


Now Scroll down ..............























Now with that number, see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:



1. Sunburst
2. orvet
3. Sauconian
4. Mitch Rapp
5. Mossdancer
6. Hukk
7. Muskrat Man
8. 9Ball
9. CCBill
10.Brian

[sunburst]

What the????

Oh Nooooooo!!!!! Bill is my role model...Who's ya Daddy, Bill is....

This topic is going rob valuable brain cells today while I try to figure this out....

Ralph

[Gunsmoke47]

My role model is Mild not Wild Bill too. Hey Ralph, I think this thing is rigged!

[CCBill]

Sorry, ya'll...
It was just too damn cute to not post. Have fun with it...
CC(who's ya Daddy)Bill...

[Hukk]

One of the number 9's magic tricks. Good one!

[Mossdancer]

There just possibly may be more truth than humor to this one.
moss

How to deal with a peace activist...

With all of this talk of war, many of us will encounter "Peace Activists" who will try and convince us that we must refrain from retaliating against the ones who terrorized us all on September 11, 2001. These activists may be alone or in a gathering... most of us don't know how to react to them. When you come upon one of these people, or one of their rallies, here are the proper rules of etiquette:

1. Listen politely while this person explains their views. Strike up a conversation if necessary and look very interested in their ideas. They will tell you how revenge is immoral, and that by attacking the people who did this to us, we will only bring on more violence. They will probably use many arguments, ranging from political to religious to humanitarian.

2. In the middle of their remarks, without any warning, punch them in the nose.

3. When the person gets up off of the ground, they will be very angry and they may try to hit you, so be careful.

4. Very quickly and calmly remind the person that violence only brings about more violence and remind them of their stand on this matter. Tell them if they are really committed to a nonviolent approach to undeserved attacks, they will turn the other cheek and negotiate a solution. Tell them they must lead by example if they really believe what they are saying.

5. Most of them will think for a moment and then agree that you are correct.

6. As soon as they do that, hit them again. Only this time hit them much harder. Square in the nose.

7. Repeat steps 2 - 6 until the desired results are obtained and the idiot realizes how stupid of an argument he/she is making.

8. There is no difference in an individual attacking an unsuspecting victim or a group of terrorists attacking a nation of people. It is unacceptable and must be dealt with - perhaps at a high cost. We owe our military a huge debt for what they are about to do for us and our children. We must support them and our leaders at times like these. We have no choice. We either strike back, VERY HARD, or we will keep getting hit in the nose. Lesson over.

[orvet]

Good idea Moss!

[Mossdancer]

Dale;
It's not for the faint of heart or those who speak slowly. It probably causes a lot of fat lips to administrator of nose punches.
moss

[CCBill]

Hey, Ralph!!! Check it out...


OK, here is one for you to play with.

This no gimmick, no tricks, you think !
I am not telling ......

Have speakers on as Robin will talk to you.

http://www.regiftable.com/RegiftingRobinPopUp.html

[CCBill]

For all you NASCAR fans...


NASCAR NEWS ... Jeff Gordon fires his entire pit crew

This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of the government's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of dollars worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team as most races are won or lost in the pits. However-Gordon got more than he bargained for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the Vin number, and sold the car to Dale Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

[Hukk]

[CCBill]

Try out this deer hunting game...





http://www.versuscountrybagamonsterbuck.com/

[Sauconian]

What do you call the cabs lined up at the Dallas airport ?






The yellow rows of taxis.

[jonet143]

[justold52]

Sauconian it sounds like you have talked to your grand-child to get that one....

[knucklehead]

An old poor farmer and his wife were out hoeing their meager corn crop, ma in front of pa. Out of frustration pa hits the ground with his hoe and oil springs up. "We're rich"! pa exclaimed. Ma asked, "what do you mean pa?" "We're rich, we just struck oil! Ma, you can have anything you want!" Thinking a moment, ma said, "I want a milk bath like those rich women." No problem. Pa calls the milk company and the next day a milk truck arrives. As the driver jumps out and grabs a hose he asks pa, "feller you want that milk pasteurized"? No, pa says, "just past her butt; she can splash it in her own eyes!"

[johnnierotten]

The lady asked the pharmacist, "Do you have
Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered.
She asked, "Does it work?"
"Yes," he answered.
She said, "Can you get it over the counter?"
"I can, if I take two," he replied......

[Diligence]

What do you call a man with no legs and no arms laying in a hole?......Phil

How about the same fellow being dragged behind a boat?.....Skip

Or the same fellow hanging on the wall?......Art

Or the same fellow and his brother hanging on the wall?.......wait for it........Curtain Rod.....

What about the two of them floating in a pool?.......swimming trunks!

I love these dumb jokes!

J

[johnnierotten]

in the bushes......Russel
under a car....jack
laying in front of your door....Matt

I always liked those stupid jokes also!!

[jonet143]

what's in the road....ahead!

[Hukk]

What do you call a man with no legs and no arms in a swimming pool?....................Bob

A blonde was speeding down a highway 'til a cop pulled her over.
He asked if he could see her driver's license.
She turned away and started looking for it. While she was looking the cop started unzipping his fly.
The blonde finally found it and turned back around, she saw his zipper down and said "is this another one of those alchohol breath tests."

There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette.
They all decided to go to the bar and they got fake ids cause they were underage.
So they go in and the bartender knows they are underage so he call the cops.
The readhead informs the girls that the bartender has called the cops and they have to leave.
So they go out the back door and they see this barn.
They go inside and the redhead notices 3 potato sacks on the floor.
See tells the girls to each hide in a potato sack.
Then the police arrive in the bar, and the bartender takes them out back to look around.
They go into the barn and look everywhere.
One cop says "They might be in those potato sacks".
So he kicks the first one containing the redhead and hears "woof woof". "That's a dog" he thinks to himself.
He kicks the second bag containing the brunette and hears "Meow, meow" "Well that must be a cat" he thinks.
Finally, he kicks the last bag containing the blonde and hears in a slow voice "po...ta...to...es!"

There are three moms.........
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

I always liked those stupid jokes and blonde jokes are a favorite also. My daughter and I trade blonde jokes often also!!!!!!!