Hear of a Good One Lately

[doglegg]

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings, you know she's a keeper.

[Quick Steel]

All good ones gentlemen.

[Quick Steel]

Two friends go to the beach, split up and start coversing with the ladies. After a while John rejoins Paul and complains that after a little talk the girls leave him. He is quite disappointed. Paul, who has been having a lot of success, gives John some advice. "Go find yourself a sweet potato and stick it in your swimming trunks. I promise you it will attract the ladies." Although doubtful, John follows Paul's advice.

About a half hour later John rejoins Paul looking very dejected. " Now the girls won't even talk to me. As soon as I approach them they walk away laughing." Paul considers the matter then says, "Next time put the potato in the front of your trunks."

[Unk]

Here ya go.....

You may have to be a Texan to get the second one.

[OLDE CUTLER]

Two wealthy widows are laying on the beach at Cancun having a margarita when the discussion comes up of how they got to that point in their lives. They discover that they had both come into their current situation and money by killing their husbands. The first widow says "I got my wealthy businessman husband drunk and pushed him off the 6th floor balcony of our condo so it looked like an accident. No one ever suspected me." She then asks the second widow how she killed her husband and collected a big insurance policy. The second widow says "I killed him by feeding him cat food." The first one asks "You mean you poisoned him?' The reply was "No, I fed him cat food and he broke his neck trying to lick his rear end!"

[doglegg]

A lot of folks wonder how we went from plenty of oil to an oil shortage. The answer is simple. Someone forgot to check the oil. Checking the oil is an important part of maintenance. But the problem is geographic. Our oil is mostly in Pennsylvania, coast of California, Florida, Alaska and Texas. Our dipstick is in Washington DC.

[Dan In MI]

Our dipstick is in Washington DC.

There sure are a lot of them in DC. I got a good laugh out of that one!

[edge213]

A lot of folks wonder how we went from plenty of oil to an oil shortage. The answer is simple. Someone forgot to check the oil. Checking the oil is an important part of maintenance. But the problem is geographic. Our oil is mostly in Pennsylvania, coast of California, Florida, Alaska and Texas. Our dipstick is in Washington DC.

So true......unfortunately.

[catspa]

Don’t we have some oil in WY and SD too? Well, underneath them, really.

Parker

[QTCut5]

'Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.'

[doglegg]

Don’t we have some oil in WY and SD too? Well, underneath them, really.

Parker

Yes we do.

[doglegg]

'Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.'

I like it Q.
That one is hard to match.

[just bob]

Ain't it the truth!

[MissouriGuerrilla]

A woman walks into a small grocery and asks the man behind the counter, "Do you have nuts?" He says, "No." She asks, "Do you have dates?" He responds, "If I had nuts, I'd have dates!"

[Mumbleypeg]

Teacher (talking on the phone): So you say Johnny has a bad cold and can’t come to school today. To whom am I speaking?

Voice: This is my father.




Ken

[treefarmer]

Ken, that's funny!
Treefarmer

[Quick Steel]

[jerryd6818]

"I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."

[OLDE CUTLER]

The wife saw this on Facebook today.

"The inventor of Autocorrect died yesterday. The funnel will be tomato".

[Mumbleypeg]

The wife saw this on Facebook today.

"The inventor of Autocorrect died yesterday. The funnel will be tomato".

About like some of the texts I send now that I had to give up my BlackBerry smartphone and its REAL KEYBOARD! I hate my #$*&@ new phone.

Ken

[treefarmer]

The wife saw this on Facebook today.

"The inventor of Autocorrect died yesterday. The funnel will be tomato".

That’s funny!
Treefarmer

[C-WADE7]

Has a knife in it so I figured it fits

[TPK]

'Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.'

Good play on words.

[TPK]

"I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along."

[TPK]

Has a knife in it so I figured it fits

Looks like he's a Former & Future "Jail-Bird "